I wish I could let you love me

I am tired of being alone. I so very want to let you love me but I am afraid.

Afraid to let you in

Afraid if I let you in you will see just how truly unremarkable I am, how big an unattractive mess I am.

Afraid that not even your love can fill the empty void that is my soul.

Afraid that I’ll eventually hurt you like I hurt anyone who so dares to get that close to my radioactive-like darkness.

Afraid that you will flee at the first sight of the echoing abyss I have for a soul.

Afraid my darkness will consume your light along with any glimmer of hope that you had, that we had.

Afraid that this may end like it did last time, and the time before last – with me alone, broken, sad and depressed.

Afraid that if I let you in you will see how undeserving I am of love and will duly take a permanent leave of absence from my otherwise vain existence.

Afraid that when you eventually see me for who I am you will leave me and take with you my only reason to live.

So, forgive me if I seem a tad hesitant to let you in. I have loved and lost one too many times, been bitten more than once so pardon my shyness. In a perfect world, I’d swap out my duct tape-fixed heart for a new unbroken, trusting one and be all yours.

I am truly sorry love but I cannot let you in. I would have loved to be the Clyde to your Bonnie but no thank you.

_storyteller.

 

 

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