storyteller

  I don’t know if you have ever had to deal with a bad break up-like any break ups are good. I suppose the nature of the relationship pre-determines just how hard the break up is gonna be. If it was great and purposeful, well its gonna hurt like a bitch or whatever Malcom X said. Life has a way of going out of its way to ruin our plans and rub it in our faces while at it. It’s all rosy and PDA all over the place when starting off and you’d bet an arm and a leg it will last forever-now look at you, alone with one leg and one arm. I know I’m taking forever to get to the point but bear with me, I only have the one arm to type. Nothing beats the feeling of a new relationship that is past the walking on eggshells point when it’s all love and more love after the aforementioned love. Remember those 3 hour-long phone calls arguing whether your first born was gonna be a boy or a girl and what you’d name them-you probably want to fight me and it’s for precisely that reason that I’m writi...

Based on vast experience, I have firmly concluded that my demons can’t sleep unless I sleep which doesn’t bode well for me because, well, I am insomniac. So I ask, what do you do when it’s just you, a dark room and your thoughts? My demons specialize in a little field I like to call what could’ve been. It’s basically an album of my greatest hits and by hits I mean mistakes and just how monumentally I messed up. What I like to do, or they like to do I should say, is star and direct in a show that tries to depict just how much better my life would have been if I chose different-I deliver Oscar-worthy performances by the way. I am not particularly gifted at forgiving myself so you can imagine how tough it gets sometimes. We all have different demons; those with PhDs in overthinking, those that think about your future, your career, those that have you wondering if you will ever find love. To them all, I say good riddance. If they don’t understand English, I’m terribly sorry. Regardless...

 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to day to witness literary masterpiece unfold...  Now that we're in the mood, let's talk about love. I know it's a sensitive topic to talk about, just like Bruno but hear me out. Love can take many forms from a head-over-heels crush to burning lust and passion, Stockholm syndrome to mere infatuations. Be that as it may, I think love in all it's essence is inexplicable to say the least. So how do you tell if that burning desire and yearning for someone you're feeling is genuine love or some other form of the general term. I think that when you know, you just know, you know? I think it's also worth noting where said burning is being experienced- if it's in your loins, take a shower or something or put out the fire however you see fit, dealer's choice really. In my opinion, the 3 word bombshell, and I don't mean Here We Go, or funga mlango kwanza- sorry boys, doesn't have to be a fifth date thing or the closing ...

  As a night-owl, I have 180-degree vision and can fly-a dad joke to get you started. We all know late night thoughts read like a who’s who of cringy memories of your life. If they aren’t punctuated by anything in the lines of what was wrong with me? Ulichoma bana!! Then you aren’t doing it right. That said, the council decided to bless me with one question; what is your writing style? I have been pondering over that and have come to a solid conclusion; my writing style is Times New Roman-I’m puntastic like that. Growing up, I always fancied myself as a half decent writer. I cannot count the number of times I was kidnapped in compositions let alone the number of times I saved myself-had myself mulling over how I’d get kidnapped in a composition about my pet. As soon as I started dishing out the classics like frog’s kingdom and whatnot, I knew I was the shit. My favorite one however was describing one of my captors or the lot of them for that matter and it went like this; okay, ...